“I have seen all things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.”
“I will be happy when” is an internal dialogue that deflates any accomplishments and brings any sense of momentum to a halt. Nothing is ever enough; there is simply no grace in this statement.
I will be happy when I have a full time job. You get the full time job then it is on to the next big thing.
I will be happy when I have the apartment. I will be happy when I have the big house. I will be happy when I am out of debt. I will be happy when I meet my soulmate. I will be happy when I lose weight. I will be happy when I start a family. I will be happy when my career sky rockets. I will be happy when I truly accomplish my dreams.
It is great to have goals but not when we put prerequisites on our happiness and fulfillment. The word “when” is a conditional word that will only be fulfilled when a certain outcome is met. I desire to stop living in this internal dialogue, chasing the wind, exhausting myself along the way, never satisfied, tired, and shamed for not meeting the deadline, the “when”, a word that only negates and deflates.
The season I am in right now is so bittersweet. My husband and I are in a sweet, quiet, still season of rest where our beautiful home echoes God’s provision yet the beauty of this season gets swallowed up by the chaos of our political climate and transitions in the lives of close family and friends. I did not realize that I was living in “I will be happy when” everything is secure again, and everyone is okay. I did not realize how much of a zombie I started to become for the last 2 months because I was living in “when” and not in the “now”.
I was chasing the wind, going so fast, sprinting through the motions, trying so hard to get to my “when”.
I felt that if I could somehow live faster than time, I will get to my breakthrough, but I began to realize that all I actually felt was not a breakthrough rather than burn out.
I found my breakthrough when I chose to feel it all, everything in this season and not trying to fast forward in that tiring chase.
I found my breakthrough in slowing down and savoring what this season is trying to teach me.
I encourage you today to stop chasing the wind; stop chasing the “when” and giving the word, when, power of when you are allowed to be happy.
Savor, taste and see, all that your current moment brings whether it is heartache, discomfort, joy, passion, excitement, fear; choose to feel it all.