This past Saturday, I finally kept the promise to honoring my soul, my personhood with a Sabbath. I was able to sleep in, spontaneously go about my day, not follow a to-do list, and time had no precedence over what I did or didn't do.
This past weekend of slowing down and respecting my need of a Sabbath allowed me to become current with myself; it created space for my husband to also get current.
Papa Fred, our grandfather, passed away about a month ago, and the grieving process has been extremely unpredictable.
Grief, the actual act of processing the loss, tends to knock on a heart's door a little harder when slowing down takes place.
Michael and I both have experienced the health and healing that comes from slowing down and surrendering busyness this weekend, and I pray that our experience invites you to the healing that comes from a Sabbath and choosing a slower pace of living.
My girl's night out the week prior on that Thursday evening with Grandma Cookie consisted of thoughtful and intentional conversations, quiet strolls, scenic routes, highly-conscious and safe driving - all ingredients to have one's heart and soul to catch up to one's body.
Michael's Friday afternoon with Grandma Cookie consisted of being greeted by her sweet and quiet presence amplifying what was absent, Papa's boisterous voice and hearty hugs that would allow you to experience the strength of his body and soul.
After Michael finished hanging up all of her pictures, fixed her vacuum, all tasks being complete, and it was time to say goodbye; Grandma Cookie walked Michael to the door and gave him a hug, holding, embracing, and weeping. She sobbed, thanked, and loved all in the same breath and embrace.
Sometimes you don't know what you have lost until you experience the absence.
That Friday evening, Michael and I experienced a monsoon of emotions.
We missed Papa. We missed his encouragement, his words, his presence, his unpredictable luck in Uno.
I couldn't tell him about my promotion. Michael couldn't tell him about his recorded album. He would never meet our future kids, his great-grandchildren, -all evidence of his absence, and it hurt.
As Michael and I both cried together, this rang true from my heart that I shared with my husband:
"When I took Grandma cookie out last week, I knew and I felt Papa’s presence. He was happy and proud that I was taking his girl out. Papa is proud of you, and he would have been so happy that you helped Grandma cookie today. This I know, and this is what we can be comforted by.”
After we allowed our hearts release, and we chose to create space in our weekend to just "be", we both woke up Sunday morning feeling like we took one more step in our grieving journey; we felt more human, more connected with ourselves, God, and others.
I am unsure what season you are experiencing in your journey, but choosing "slow" and "Sabbath" will bring healing that you didn't know you even needed.