We all can get lost in problematic pendulums (picture listed above) where we feel torn between polar opposite feelings, internal paradoxes, competing dichotomies, where we feel like we find our being and exist as walking balls of contradictions.
We say we desire to live differently yet we have the same routine each weekend.
We say we desire to be healthier yet we find ourselves making unhealthy decisions.
We say we want to be responsible with our money yet we find ourselves justifying splurges.
This kind of living, the constant back and forth, the questioning, the compromising, and the worrying that comes with it is exhausting, troublesome, and anxiety-ridden.
The last few weeks of my life has been at the mercy of this problematic pendulum that swings towards gratitude, joy, and hope in a blink of an eye but one wrong thought or hypothetical situation in my mind plummets that pendulum down to an abyss of anxious-thinking and fearful-living.
This dark abyss is full of circular reasoning, irrational questions, foolish fear, and unrealistic hypotheticals. It is a place that I find myself getting stuck in especially at night where my heart begins to race to catch up with where my thoughts have been.
I knew I could not gain control over this pendulum without community, so I began reaching out and inviting those closest to me to probe with good questions and to help me find the root of it all.
I encourage you that if you find yourself at the mercy of the problematic pendulum, reach out! Find a safe community and let someone in.
Once I chose vulnerability, surrendered my own pride, allowed myself to feel, gave the right of passage for tears to surface, I found the root.
I found the unhealthy belief that succumbed me to that dark abyss. Finding the root for me was the beginning of my freedom because now I know how I can reframe my beliefs which in the end determine my actions and my future.
“Your beliefs become your thoughts, Your thoughts become your words, Your words become your actions, Your actions become your habits, Your habits become your values, Your values become your destiny.”
I realized this week that I have been trying to practice the discipline of stillness by choosing to be physically still while my mind is a spacey skyrocket and speedy rollercoaster; this is not pure and true stillness.
The simple verse “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10) has been my mantra during anxiety-ridden moments or seasons, but I did not realize that there are two steps in this scripture.
Be still
Know
This calls me to physical stillness (being still) while reframing my thoughts and beliefs (know).
The discipline of stillness is a marriage between a physical act and a state of mind.
You can’t have one without the other; we have to choose to physically and mentally pause. There is a beautiful exchange that comes where we can surrender the unpredictable ticking of our life’s pendulum.
When we choose stillness, we can rest our souls on the truth that
there is a force of love and goodness that is working on our behalf,
who brings peace to the problematic pendulum.
This belief and frame of thought is what allows the discipline of stillness to begin its inner-working magic where that pendulum begins to slow down and come to a halt; it is no longer in control of us.
Life begins to make sense, the pressure releases, and life becomes more vibrant and meaningful.
I encourage you to be still and know this week.
Choose to physically be still and reframe your beliefs and thoughts that the most loving force, the Great I am, the Divine is working on your behalf.
“Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).