“Being a mom is an art; you have to be creative, and it is a gift of giving yet there is no such thing as a perfect parent. ”
I will be honest with you. I am not a mom, but I plan to be. I have always wanted to becoming one especially after getting married and seeing what a wonderful dad my husband will be to our future kids. If he is an amazing uncle, I can only imagine how he will be when we have our own, but as years pass in our marriage, I find myself putting that season off.
Some could say out of fear, wanting to “be ready” and having all of our ducks in a row. I am a gleaner of information at heart. I like to be prepared and know what I am getting myself into prior to jumping in.
I am that person at the swimming pool that always put her toes in to feel how cold the water is prior to jumping. On a rare occasion, if the sun is warm enough, and my soul feels bold enough, I will cannon-ball inside the pool, fully committed, not looking back.
Motherhood on the other hand, I have been feeling the temperature of that water for some time now, and I haven’t decided whether I am going to jump in. I pull at the heart strings of any mom to hear the beauty yet pain in motherhood to glean off of her strength from her story.
One of my dear friends, Kathia Serrano and her husband brought a new life into this world, and her name is Kairi. I was able to spend some time with her this week, and her story of motherhood was refreshing, real, and comforting, and here is her story:
“One thing that Josh (her husband) always gets to do with Kairi that I love is bath time. That is probably my favorite part of the day. She takes a bath every night, and he talks to her while we are getting her ready. He picks out her outfit, and they have a conversation forever, and I can’t handle it, I just look at them; they are my heart.”
As Kathia was speaking, her daughter snuggled in between her and me on her bed, and Kairi was enchanted and comforted at her mommy’s voice. Kairi just stared and was so content, letting her eyes rest on her safety and comfort. Not once did Kairi think to glance my way because there was someone in the room that felt closer to home and safer than any refuge. Kairi knew her mom and stared deeply. This moment to me was so sacred because Kairi, being only 19 weeks, knew her mommy, the woman that held her in her womb for over 39 weeks. Nothing could pull this little girl’s attention away from her mom. Kathia continued.
“Being a mom is the most demanding and the hardest job, but it is the most rewarding job in the world. It is so contradicting.”
Kathia shared a powerful quote that has become her mantra in her motherhood:
“I hold my child to sleep every night. Not because they’re spoiled. Not because I’m wrapped around their finger. Not because I’m being manipulated. But because they trust me. And I am their safe place.”
After sharing this quote, she went on.
“She was inside my womb for 9 months. I can’t expect her to not need me for the next 9 months. She is only 19 weeks right now, and she was in me for 39 weeks. They grow up so fast. I am going to hold her for 2 hours if she is napping on me, and I am going to soak up every little breath, every little smile, I am going to soak it all in because one day she will be 13 and slamming doors in my face especially since I have a little girl. (Kat laughed) You know the saying? Days go by slow, but years go by fast. And that is so true!”
As she spoke about the beautiful parts of motherhood, she did share the growing pains that it takes to raise a child:
“It is lonely, so lonely. I don’t think I have ever felt this alone in my life. I can’t leave her more than 2 hours. It is lonely, but it is funny, because you are never alone after having a kid. It is so weird, you are constantly in this feeling of loneliness and trapped in these 4 walls, but then you have somebody attached to you 24 7. I am needed. She needed me, so I became a mom, yet I felt like I was missing a part of me. Like Kat was missing somewhere. Yes, I am a mom, but I am still Kat with a baby. I am not just a mom. I am still me but now, I have a baby. I don’t have to lose myself even though I had her. It is crazy because all of this is for a tiny human that you love like no tomorrow. You look at their face after they have spit up on you, and they smile, and all is well in the world. Motherhood is an emotional rollercoaster, but it is so worth it!”
She went on to comfort mothers all around the world with this: “our feelings and emotions still matter, and just because we wanted to become a mom doesn’t mean are feelings aren't valid anymore.” She reassured me that hard times do come raising a child, and we should not beat ourselves and live in shame because we are human and raising children is the hardest yet most rewarding gift we get to experience.
She also went on to warn me about how competitive motherhood can be. There is a constant pressure of needing to do everything perfect to everyone’s standards which is impossible. She refuted this problematic pressure with an even more powerful statement that I believe we all need to live out, no matter our parental status in our personal journey:
“Mind your own motherhood.”
As a 27 year old woman who has 6 years of marriage under her belt, who am I to judge another parent? Who am I to judge my future parent self? Why should parents judge other parents? Every child is different, so we need to celebrate the differences.
We need to choose community over competition even in parenthood.
There are so many lonely parents out in the world that need love and support more than advice and awkward stares.
Being a mom is an art; you have to be creative, and it is a gift of giving yet there is no such thing as a perfect parent.
Our coffee and conversation ended with her not being scared to voice the reality yet she chooses to embrace and savor the sacred moments in her motherhood. She left me feeling more brave as my husband and I get closer to this season. I find more butterflies roaming in my soul than fearful tugs pulling me away from this beautiful gift.
No matter where you are at on your journey, choose community over competition this week. Choose to not be scared to voice your reality and embrace how sacred life is from every breath you take, the sound of a baby’s coo, from a loved one’s embrace, from the soulful flavor of a home-cooked meal with friends.
Find the sacred and savor it!
The Sacred can be found everywhere; it is just a matter of looking for it.
Take time to follow Kathia’s journey with her husband, Josh, and Kairi on her instagram @mommakatt
“Raising children can lead you to the tortured state of sleep deprivation and locking yourself in the closet just to relive that long lost memory of personal space. But more so, they pull us to the present...She [Lisa’s daughter, Amelie] was seeing the present, drinking it in. She made me drink as well. All that surrounded us was suddenly more alive, humming and dancing in a cosmic rhythm. ”