I took my grandma out to Crepella Cafe for breakfast this past Wednesday. My grandma and I had a wonderful time enjoying the quaint environment and yummy food. I was letting her know that I had my last Kaiser appointment for my vocal therapy that afternoon, and she said she would come with me, so I wouldn’t be alone. She said anytime I have to come to the doctors alone that she would come with me.
We were able to get great parking keeping us on the first floor of the covered parking lot of Kaiser in Baldwin Park, and my grandma and I kept saying how lucky we were to have such close parking. My Kaiser appointment was only 28 minutes. I made sure to interweave my arms with hers to secure her while we walked back to my car. We walked on the opposite side of the street, and once my car was in sight, we crossed the street to get to our car.
At 11:28 am, there was a GMC Yukon going 10-15 mph, and as we crossed, and in the corner of my eye, this massive machine wasn’t slowing down, and it pummeled us in the air leaving us breathless and helpless.
There was a moment in midair where I did not feel like this SUV was going to stop. I felt so lifeless and frail. I remember hitting the ground on my left side and instantly turning to check on my grandma who went down face first. All I could hear is the sound of my grandma crying out to God, “el nombre de Jesus” over and over again while blood began to ooze into her left eye onto the floor. I remember screaming at the top of my lungs for someone to call 911. I kept reassuring my grandma that we are okay, that I was here. Her eyes began to shut, and people began to surround us. I remember calling my husband in sheer panic, unable to even put words to all the feelings that were surfacing. I told him that we were walking and an SUV hit us, knocking us off our feet. The level of panic sky-rocketed. He was on his way.
Help finally came from the ER nurses to Kaiser’s security, to a guardian angel of a woman who eased my grandma and me that we were both going to be okay. I followed the stretcher and ER nurse team who took my grandma into the ER.
While I was waiting for the doctor to diagnose her, I remember grabbing her hand and weeping, feeling so guilty that I was the one standing holding her hand. I wanted to be the one in the bed because I knew my body could have handled the impact of an SUV a lot better than her 77 year old body could. She reassured me to not cry and that everything was okay.
I remember her saying “this isn’t your fault, mija”.
I held my grandma’s hand and prayed that everything in her body would have no permanent damage. I was believing for a miracle, for God to move in the breakdown. It was around 12:15 pm, and I began to feel my left elbow beginning to fatigue, and my left ankle begin to cry for attention, but I ignored it. I didn’t want my grandma to be alone.
My husband, Michael, came in like a fresh breath of hope. He held me in such a tight embrace making us realize that any moment could be the last. My Tia Claudia came, and she hugged me and told me how happy she was to know that we were both alive and okay. She asked if I have been seen by a doctor yet, and I told her that I didn’t want grandma to be alone. She reassured me that she would be with her, and she told Michael and me to get admitted.
Sitting in my waiting room for the doctor to see me was when reality set in. The whole collision felt like a dream.
This 9000 pound SUV made me feel like a rag doll, an inanimate object, lifeless, useless, frail, nothingness. I remember being in the air thinking that this is where my grandma and I end. Tears began to fill my eyes in that room as my mind ping ponged, back and forth to gratitude and guilt.
Yes, I am grateful to be alive, but grieving the fact that I was not the one bedridden.
I should have taken better care of my grandmother.
I should have been more responsible.
I should have been in front of her.
I should have made a different choice.
Gratitude began to knock on my heart’s door. My parents came into the room like a tidal wave of love, embracing me, tears streaming, representing what could have been.
My husband’s words gently comforted and healed my broken mind: no one deserves to be hit by a car.
The guilt began to dissipate.
After x-rays, MRI tests, CT scans, and all of the medical checks, my grandma and I walked out of Kaiser with just a fractured nose, sprained ankle, and our lives.
The guilt dissipated while gratitude flooded us.
Yes, the following days, we both experienced soreness, fatigue, bruises, stiffness, and pain, but I know God was in the crash, not one broken bone, no internal injuries, no blows to the head, no cracked phones screens, not even a scratch on the apple watch I wore on my left wrist where my body took the hit.
God was in the crash, our breakdown, and He is also in our breakthrough.